Everyone in LA seems to have a story about the notorious, mysterious, iconic Billboard queen, Angelyne, and her pink Corvette sightings.
This is mine:
I won a contest for a ride in the famous car with the icon herself, to check out her latest billboard in Hollywood.
I snapped the clasp on my 3 inch wide diamond bracelet, grabbed my black fedora, topped my head with it and gave myself a once-over in the mirror. Clad in my tailor-fit flamingo pink suit, dripping with a just-shy-of-obnoxious amount of gold and diamond jewelry. I bent down and laced up my gold metal Adidas shell toe shoes, and readied for my coffee date with the unofficial, but official, patron saint of Hollywood, Angelyne.
She’d requested we meet at the Coffee Bean on the corner of Sunset and Argyle in Hollywood. Presumably a favorite location of hers, as I’ve seen her car parked out front on several occasions over the years.
I’d arrived a few minutes before our scheduled meet time of 2pm, so I sat on the patio waiting for her to roll up. My back to Sunset Blvd, I could see the traffic passing behind me in the reflection of my aviators as I anticipated her pink arrival. (However, she was late, and with each ticking minute and passing car in the reflection on the interior of my shades, my anticipation was building.)
I’m a huge Hollywood-phile, especially 70s and 80s Hollywood. The era long after the shine of “The Golden Era” glamour had tarnished, but yet Hollywood still somehow maintains the glitzy reputation of those decades to outsiders, even as hookers walked its streets, punkers rocked its clubs, and vagrants dozed on the sidewalks.
The hand on my “faux-lex” watch clicked to 2:09 pm, and I heard the roar of a high performance car engine. Two seconds later, her famous pink Corvette came traveling down Argyle towards Sunset where she proceeded to make a u-turn in the intersection, traffic be damned, and park.
I walked over to her parking spot, and paid the meter as she emerged from her vehicle. Very ladylike, she extended her hand, and in her signature high pitched “bimbo” voice introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Angelyne.” She took notice of my gold and diamond tiger head belt buckle, then looped her arm through mine and I escorted her into the coffee shop.
I let her lead where to sit. She preferred a table by the window, but requested the shades be pulled down.
We discussed a little about ourselves. She asked me about work and my journey moving to LA all while maintaining the high voice affectation. She discussed her Corvette collection, and the sadness she felt for one of the three she owned because it had been rear ended. Then proceeded to show me photos of the 3 ‘Vettes, one of which was a picture of her doing the splits on its roof in a miniskirt and push-up bra. She also paid compliments to my beard and suit, focusing heavily on my gaudy jewelry I bought in a shifty downtown LA alleyway, but then interrupted herself to talk about her billboard career.
For 40 plus years, she’s been the “Billboard Queen of LA”, though no one really knows what talents she has that would warrant a billboard usually reserved for film projects. I’d guess she is the first in modern times to be famous for being famous. Pre-social media and selfies. Sort of an analog Kardashian, long before the world knew what a Kardashian was, and didn’t need a career-making sex tape to do it. She’d apparently put up a new billboard two weeks prior to our meeting, and wanted to know if I wanted to go see it. Of course I did!
We wrapped up our chat, exited Coffee Bean on Sunset, and crossed the street back to her car. As we approached, she clicked a button on her keyfob that started the car’s engine. Impressed with her gadget, she says “Isn’t that cool?”
We slid into the famous Corvette, both of us in pink matching its paint perfectly, and she flipped through the MP3 player screen and selected her own song, “Sex Goddess”, as our traveling soundtrack. Next, she took out pink leather driving gloves from the glovebox, put them on, and navigated us to Hollywood Blvd. As a kid of the 80s, being in Angelyne’s famous pink ‘Vette, on Hollywood Blvd, chauffeured by the icon herself was pretty damn amazing.
The ‘Vette cuts up Cahuenga towards her billboard, which is visible with the Hollywood sign in the background. Huge 80’s metal video bleach blonde hair, lowcut but lifting bikini top, and signature pout draped over her famous car. I couldn’t help but observe that HER Hollywood Hills were mounted over THE Hollywood Hills.
We parked and took a few moments to marvel at her accomplishment. Forty plus years of her iconic billboards on the ever changing scene of Hollywood. Though time has passed and the Earth’s plates have shifted, she is still the same Angelyne with no origin or past, just birthed onto the Hollywood skyline in the late 70s, and this is where she will always be.
A few pictures were taken to commemorate our moment (Thank you Jay Libras photography), and then she hopped back in her signature Barbie-pink Corvette, thanked me for the afternoon spent together, blew me a kiss, and drove off, blending into the Hollywood landscape again.
So, the question has always been, “Who is the real Angelyne?”. I don’t care….she is Hollywood and LA as Fuuuu**…. Period. Full stop. Let the mystery be as it is. Simply, because that’s the fun of living in LA. You can be whomever you want to be.
On Peacock streaming, Emmy Rossum stars as Angelyne in a limited series. Check the trailer below:
